Decisions

So the end of this year is drawing near and I must make a definite decision of where I want to be next year, Pretoria or Bahrain. I have changed my mind as often as I've changed my facebook status, which to me, is quite often! There are many reasons for this, some of which I will share in this post.

Pretoria, or South-Africa, is a place where I have had, definitely, some of my best memories in life, mainly because of the friends I made and people who I have come to know there, BUT it is also the place where I have had some of my worst times i.e. last year. One thing that SA represents to me is insecurity. It is there that I have not only had to be independent and on my own but also the place where I have experienced "fear" in such a real, almost evil, way. The one factor I dread of living in SA again, without my family, is the crime that I must face being there. It is something which I almost forgot about the last year, living in Bahrain. And of course another one is the memory of how I left SA, soon after my accident. My last memories of SA are of being in hospital, which was most certainly the worst time of my life.
That said, however, there are so many more reasons why I want to go back. Firstly, some of the best friends I have made in life, are there. Friends who will tell me things as they are, who will love me even when I am unreasonable, who I have the best laughs with and also the worst fights; friends who know my worst weaknesses yet accept me completely, and friends who share the same love and passion for God that I do. Friends for life. Secondly, Three-See-eye, aka, 3ci, aka, Capital City Church International. It is definitely one of the most lively and fruitful, and vibrant churches I have been in, where the life and love of God just oozes out of the church family. There are old people, youth, students, babies, cappuccinos, books, artists, talent, doctors, directors, engineers, designers, planners, thinkers, musicians, lawyers,chefs etc etc; there is dancing, singing, eating, loving, laughing, shouting, praying, preaching, encouraging, urging, directing, supporting, accepting and so much more! I watched a music video of a live recording they had and was just reminded of the life that is in that church and how I miss it:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjF0Zho98qc&feature=related - This is also my new favourite song!! I just LOVE it!! and also this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hvwePgUjfw
Thirdly, these next six months of my studies will be the last time I can ever be a student again. After this, I will never again be in this "carefree" season of my life. Why not make the most of it??
Forthly, I actually LOVE South-Africa. I love the weather, the rain and the blue skies. I love how a Saturday just feels like a holiday! I love Woolworths and all the yummy food you can find in South-Africa. I love how life is much more outdoors and vibrant there! And I love the people, their zest for life and how passionate they are!

Then there is the option of staying in Bahrain. It is a place that has been good to me and a place where I could feel secure. A place where I could recover and become strong, where I had time to spend with family and God and just "spend", time to learn the guitar and time to rest. It has been a year where I may have been bored often but where I needed to just do very little. It is a place where I could feel secure and in that place concentrate on other more important things than my fears. It has been good for me to be in a small church where things are small and not intimidating and there's room for growth and experimenting. I have loved having friends who are actually from this country! And getting to know this culture better, which I've lived in for most of my life!

And so I have asked God to confirm to me where I must go next year. and even as I wrote this I realise more and more that I can't let my fear keep me from living life. I can't stay in Bahrain merely because I'm too scared I'll get robbed or hijacked or.. when I am back in SA. "for God did not give us a Spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind(direct greek translation says self-control)".

And so I'm trusting God! And making a decision!